The contractions began during the match. Real vs. Atletico. I guess the nipper wanted to see it too. They got stronger after Özil's late strike and continued as we followed with a film interrupted by Jenny getting up dancing and singing to help herself cope with the pain. I timed her. They still weren't five minutes apart so despite her obvious discomfort we didn't panic.
By 2.30 a.m. they were coming even faster. Suddenly it was less than five minutes. Quick! Let's go! I rang the taxi co. for a Storchenfahrt (stork journey). Jenny wondered if she'd even make it to Havelhöhe - an hour the other side of Berlin. She rang the hospital through the pain and throwing up but they didn't seem optimistic.
No matter. We crossed over to the West with our taxi driver driving like the hounds of hell. “We never had someone born in a car before,” she said. Always a first time. Maya and Florian were her name suggestions. Both good. The contractions continued. Jenny puked again. Of course, the bag she used was the only one with holes. The driver didn’t mind/know. I tipped her well when we finally arrived. We'd made it!
The rest I won't describe. Suffice to say the Geburtsvorbereitungskurs is no preparation. Never have I felt so fucking USELESS and never have I felt such admiration for another human. She was incredible. She battled each battle as if it were the last. Which of course it wasn’t. Thousands followed. Wrecking balls pushing her to the outer limits of endurance. Immense. Tears welled in my eyes as I couldn’t bear to see her in such pain. Still no PDA/epidural. A badly-timed Hexenschuss (banjaxed back) had contributed to my uselessness. Then came disastrous news: Ein Sterngucker (stargazer). The baby was in the wrong position.
“Neiiinnn,” moaned Jenny. Kaiserschnitt. After all that, they have to cut her open to get the baby out. Fuck.
The midwife reassured her. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. “Ein Sterngucker ist Nichts schlimmes. Es ist etwas besonderes.”
They'd try get it to change position. What followed bears no repetition.
Hernia-inducing hours later the top of the head first appeared. Jenny reached to touch it. “Heyyy.” More tears.
“Es ist Endsport jetzt,” the midwife reassured her. The home straight. Still the nipper was reluctant to emerge. Pretty casual it seemed; heartbeat normal throughout – we listened as it galloped calmly along.
“Schieben, schieben, schieben, schieben!“ urged the midwife. Push, push, push, push! Eventually, the whole head appeared. “Kwawr,” it croaked. Jenny laughed, gulped, pushed some more and at 9.21 this morning the nipper finally slid out into the world. More tears; this time of wonder, relief, joy, pride. I wiped them quickly away and kissed the mother of my son.

His name is Fionn.


  1. Congratulations to Jenny, You, and Fionn!

    I'd say more, but I think that for the moment it's suffice.

    I'm looking forward to learning more.

  2. wowowow! so süss! ich gratuliere euch ganz herzlich zu diesem wonneproppen! toll! liebe grüsse, hédi.

  3. Oiiii! I was in England at that moment, I see it as a sign. Congrats and good luck.

  4. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
    Maria from Wall Street.

  5. Can we get a

    Congrats, cowboy! Even though SHE did all the work. Glad the wait is finally over and moreover, that she didn't drop the baby in the kitchen at our cocktail party! ;)


    p.s. please include an Irish pronunciation guide: Fionn = Finn as in Finn McCool (the coolest)?

    p.p.s: of course he has a full head o'hair...look at his DA!

  6. FINALLY! CONGRATULATIONS!!! he is so cute :)

  7. Comhghairdeas a chara! I just read you post after Deborah text me to tell me. It's a good read and a great ending to the whole thing. As long as they're all healthy. Have a bananna flavoured Weissbeer on us!

  8. Cheers Adam! - Hope the latest update suffices!

    Hédi - Vielen vielen Dank! Auch von der Wonneproppen!

    Le Faune - A sign of what?! In any case, merci!

    Fats - Dude, right back at you dude.

    Maria - Thank you!

    DB - Yeeeehaaaaww is right!
    Fionn's pronounced like Fyun, with a very short 'y' sound.
    It's Fionn as in Fionn MacCumhaill, leader of the Fianna and the greatest Irish hero there ever was, known to the English-speaking world as Finn McCool. When you're the wisest of them all after tasting the Salmon of Knowledge, and you've sent giants running scared back across the Irish Sea, then of course you're the coolest!

    Ian - thanks!

    Not My Freud - Thank you! Yes, he is damn cute! Must take after the old man. ;-)

    Richie - I will! Go raibh míle maith agat!

  9. BerlinR > I'm the friggin' goddess of birth, for sure! I needed to be on anglo-saxon ground for him to be born! Heh.

  10. Great work Sloper mate!! Absolutely delighted for you's all. It's all Nappylicious from here, but deadly!! love it mate!

  11. Whitechurch lives on in the hands of a hero !Well done my friend give Jenny my love and admiration

  12. We'll have to make sure to give him a hero's welcome for his homegoing in the summer. He mightn't know what the hell's going on, but we'll be able to tell him about it when he's older. It'll be mythical! If not, it'll be nappylicious at the very least.

  13. You were very brave Ciaran. Your emotional pain Im sure, matched the physical pain Jenny went through,very proud of you both, little Fionn better appreciate what his folks and the taxi driver went through to deliver him safely to the world.

  14. Cheers Gav! Little Fionn appreciates grub and fine nappy-changing. I'm sure one day he'll develop a healthy contempt for taxi drivers, apart from that one of course. Hopefully he'll like his folks too.


Post a Comment

Popular Posts