Flat tyred

I'm getting sick and tyred of this. Seven punctures in one week. Seven! Last Sunday I actually had to repair one in the front wheel before switching attention to the one behind. It's gotten to the stage where I went and bought a 'puncture proof' tube which I put on the bike yesterday after I decided there was no way I could repair the SIX holes in the tube which had already been repaired too oft before – there were patches on the patches.
Puncture proof you say? My arse. I cycled to work this morning and half-way I got that familiar sinking feeling: I carried on regardless and by the time I got to work it was flat again. Flat-as-fuck. The bike's now leaning against a pole outside the window looking very sorry for itself and deflated.
I blame Berlin's liberal drinking laws where locals are practically encouraged to walk around with a bottle of beer in hand. Unfortunately, consumption of said beer can lead to slippy and/or careless fingers leading to tragic consequences for bottles all round. And Berlin's bicycles. It's a cyclogical nightmare. Not that I would change the city's liberal drinking laws – it wouldn't be Berlin without them and the alcohol helps us forget these problems.
Whatever about puncture proof, it seems there ain't a bicycle tube built which is Berlin-proof. Verdammte Scheiße.


  1. wow how do people manage to cycle in berlin?

    any nipper news? :)

  2. Next nipper update next Monday. Stay tuned!
    Germans are very fond of REcycling. Perhaps this has something to do with their penchant for fixing punctures over and over and over and over again.

  3. Love the phrase 'cycological nightmare.' Heh. Also, I am a firm believer that public drinking is not the problem. It's public teenagers. Killem all and balance the Gott damm budget, I say.

    True story: shortly after arrival in Berlin and noticing the ever-present street swilling (like other places in Europe, but on steroids here), I had to ask about the limits of public drinking. Where and when is it verboten? I asked 2 German yoots about to get on a tram with beers in hands: 'I know you can drink on the streets of Berlin, but can you drink on the tram as well?' One boy said, 'Well, technically you cannot, but nobody will stop you.'

    To which the second boy replied: 'No! He is wrong! If you are in Berlin, you MUST drink a beer on a tram!'

    Who says the Germans have no sense of humor?


    p.s. maybe give up biking, I dunno; is a monthly metro pass cheaper than 7 tires?

  4. Germans have a great sense of humour. It's just a myth perpetrated by the English-speaking world that they don't. Sometimes, admittedly, their sense of humour is a bit fucked up - they laugh at things which aren't funny and don't at things that are. But that's what makes them such lovable and entertaining creatures.

    I've just bought a new 'puncture proof' tyre and another 'puncture proof' tube to replace the one I completely fucked up by cycling on it flat last night because I couldn't face pushing the damn thing home for 45 minutes after I finished work. If I get another puncture now there'll be nothing for it but wooden wheels. After all, it's no coincidence your aforementioned Berlin metro has metal wheels.

  5. Can ya get solid rubber wheels like on a kids bike?

  6. I was actually thinking of that - they'd be perfect. Otherwise wooden wheels would be the way to go.

  7. perhaps the tire itself is the problem...not that I should have better knowledge of it then you, but ive been in such unfortunate luck with bikes. good luck brotha

  8. The tyre is puncture proof now, as well as the tube, and I haven't had a puncture since! I seriously wonder, however, before I regret writing those words...


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