Ein Haargeschnitt

Got a haircut last Monday. A hair, that is. Don't think she cut any of the others. If anything, I've more hair now than I did before I got it cut. Seems impossible to get a decent haircut in this city.
After going to all the fancy places with coffee tables and poodles and forking out a fortune to get previous Haarschnitts, I followed the advice of someone who hasn't had a haircut in years (should have known) and took my custom to one of the cheaper places. €10 for a wash, cut and go.
A lot of places advertise €10 for a wash and go, leading my uncle (visiting with my aunt and cousin last week, more on their shenanigans later) to wonder why they emphasise the "go" part. "What else are you meant to do?" he asked.
I went to a a snazzy-looking place, all mirrors, black and white furniture with jagged edges, on Alte Schönhauser Straße called Unicut (again, I should have known), determined to look normal once again. The girl's eyes nearly popped out of her head when I walked in. Once she recovered she pointed me to a ticket machine such as they have in the Bürgeramt to pacify the commoners. I was number 321. 3-2-1, I felt I was being launched into space.
"Just get the hair out of my eyes, and make sure I don't look like I'm from the 80s anymore," I told her as she prepared to tackle the mop. It's fast becoming my mantra.
Well she lashed into it as her life depended on it, pulling and tugging, chopping and clipping, snipping and hacking enough to deforest the Black Forest. They'd have to call it the Black Deforest then although it wouldn't be black anymore either. The White Deforest I suppose but that would be treeson.
It actually hurt, and I didn't argue with her when she eventually announced: "Das reicht." That's enough. It's most certainly not enough - it looks as ridiculous as ever. The hair went straight into my eyes as soon as I left the shop. I'm afraid it might soon be back to the days of the shaver.


  1. Head Hunters on Stargate Street

  2. apparently you keep getting haircuts and they don't make any difference. maybe you should post a "before & after" pic, to prove that you actually did have a haircut.

    they have this "cut and go" thing in austria too. i'm not sure, but i think it refers to "you get a haircut and then you go without having your hair dried or straightened." i've never been to an austrian or a german hairdresser's, so i don't know for sure.

    how come you look 15 years younger than your profile pic in these pics?

    ps: i came home from berlin today. i loved it!!

  3. Ich nichten lichten. Leave that hair of yours alone, tis just grand the way it is

  4. Thanks Sturdy Eye!

    DM - Is that in Berlin, Bray or Bagdad?

    Non-personal Freund - That IS a before and after pic. I think... On further investigation the keys look remarkably similar on the bed. I'll have to check out the original pics and replace if neccessary, but in any case there won't be much difference in the before and after pics.
    The profile pic was taken on a windy day in Ireland. Everyday is a windy day in Ireland but wind was particularly windy on this particular windy day. What you're actually looking at there is what was left of my face after a particularly savage gust. In Germany of course, the wind is far more civilised and people are left with their faces intact.
    Glad you liked Berlin. It is a great city! Still recovering myself from having three lads this time as visitors but will have an update on the weekend's escapades shortly.

  5. Stargada Straße, off Schönhauser Allee. I used to go there for the odd 'wash and feck off after' and they never failed to cut my hair.

  6. well that explains the "irish hair", as dylan moran put it, and why your hair keeps getting in your eyes in germany

  7. A real 'before' pic has now replaced the first of the two 'after' pics I'd mistakenly uploaded. Not that you'll notice any difference.

  8. Long live the Barnett!
    Listen to the Bannonsters

  9. it looks as if you just combed your hair back. are you sure you went to the hairdresser? it might have been just a dream. i mean you ARE standing next to your bed. just sayin'.

  10. How do you have that t shirt in such good nick mine has been sewn back together its got the inevitable pin hole burns all down the front and its still in my press love it too much to thow away.Deadly blog by the way man good fun reading

  11. Cheers man. I actually bought a second replacement one online. I bought the first one at a concert and after years of abuse it ended up in pretty much the same condition as yours. I love it too, so bought another one! They might still be available from the Radiohead site.

  12. think they are gone dude so be careful with the new one. I also got mine at punchestown gig.I replaced it with the fast track status one which i love too. think they make a set number of them shirts and once they are done there never to be made again shame cause some of the older ok computer ones were feckin ace too love that band so much i need a new album soon though


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